Ninety-Four

i remember first days of school:
i alone would stand, reed thin and slim
on our steadily staining and waning pale flowered rug,
arms straight and glued to my sides, a perfunctory smile
curved with my lip muscles,
my jumper screaming leaf green and navy blue plaid, year after year.
fifth grade came, and suddenly, i could wear kilts!
white or navy polo boldly bare open, without the younger jumper
to modestly cover the nothingness there.
middle school, first day of school photos disappeared- parents
scurried to work, the camera was lost somewhere in the pile of
accumulating ego and worries.
high school and college and circled dates, crossed out lines in
planners, assignments and to-do's, no
time for photos. now i'm on my
last first day
with no pictures but a rumbling tummy and itchy eyes
longing for some black and white, sepia,
or perhaps green and navy plaid smiles.